
Monday, August 23, 2004
Lina Is Exhausted
There were so many things to catch up the last weekends friends and family and wedding...Hmm I'm exhausted...and all I really want to do now is lay back and do nothing.
I miss HIMSELF a lot indeed...I really wish he was with me at the wedding yesterday...our friends wedding. Anyway, he called me yesterday...hu...hu...He was in English Channel maybe heading to Southampton and then he will be on his journey back...again...another month to go...no sweat!...That will be soon...real soon
What else ehh? I mat people that I haven't meet since school end...funny stories...hah..hah. I just can't wait to pour my ideas out BUT not today...today Lina is damned tired.
I still hafta struggle with some paperwork...at work...arghhh that will be damned boring...I still remember the good time I had last Friday...the boss is not in...all afternoon and all I do was played SIMS...(that was great)...heh..heh...
Well...gotta go...chiow!

Friday, August 20, 2004
Emm..What type of lover I am?
True
What Type of Lover Are You?
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Thursday, August 19, 2004
THE X FACTOR
“What is it? My dear?”
“Ah,how can we bear it?”
“Bear what?”
“This.For short a time. How can we sleep this time away?”
“We can be quite together, and pretend – since it is only the beginning – that we have all the time in the world”
“And every day we shall have less. And then none.”
“Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?”
“No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid point, to which everything ran,before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere.”
A.S. Byatt, Possession
If you have just one more day to live…what will you do?...I’m not dying or anything…but I tend to forget and takes thing for granted…every time.
When I were much younger…time seemed to move very slowly indeed…maybe because at those time I didn’t have to worry much about time…my mom was my time keeper…besides, I don’t really know how to tell time…
At school I saw poster “Time Is Gold”…but I couldn’t careless…Eventually, I started to learn the significant of time to my daily routine.
First there is class timetable..hah..hah..I miss those easier part of time scheduling. Next the homework which needs to be pass up before dateline and of course the horrible countdown to the exams…UPSR…PMR and the biggest threat…SPM. Aaahh, not to forget that we were not allowed to come late or our names will be sent to the discipline teacher.
When I’m in my tertiary level education…my lecturer use to symbolize time in our future as people involves in construction industry.
I quote my lecturer “We will not accept assignment send to me after the dateline…All tender must be sent before time stipulated in the tender document, and tenderer who failed to do so will not be entertained…and all of you will learn by that…you lose your chance easily by being late”
We also started to complain about not having enough time…assignment, classes, college activities, boyfriend, family…I obviously can’t win them all. Someday, we wish for more than 24 hours a day…
The more your age increases, time getting more complicated to cope with, the time hassle at work namely…dateline…meeting…appointments and the list could go on.
And above all it getting closer to you…almost everything in your life evolved around time…like hating those time your love one is away from you, or at what age should you get married, what time you should be there to pick up your kids…even making time to spend time with husband/wife is a big struggle…no kidding.
What is it about this time factor? One thing for sure time is running out of us as we aged. Everyday means a day closer to our creator, a day less of living, a day less with this cruel life, a day less to live, a day less with people that we love and soon none.
What ever it is…I’m trying and still learning to make the most out of the time left…even when it is the last day of my life…because who knows when the time really stopped…but then it’s too late…

Tuesday, August 17, 2004
CAN’T TAKE ME HOME?
Have you ever hate someone even before you spoke or know the person …You just have a glance …and that’s it…you had made up your mind…you hate him/her.
Sometimes…I just felt that way…although that person hasn’t do anything that I really hate…my mind has already decided…and it sure does work faster…It’s prejudice. If the person that I hate is a stranger, than it’s ok…because I will not meet him again after that.
Sometimes…the person is your colleague or someone you has to live with everyday…Than, I just pray that I didn’t hurt her/him…because that’s total waste of hate.
The problem is the-person-that-I-don’t-know-why-I-hate…is usually someone who is extra helpful…extra caring…extra friendly…basically they were super nice and believe it or not that suffocate me…Sometimes they were annoying…yeah maybe that’s why I don’t like them.
For instance, the-person-that-I-don’t-know-why-I-hate…is usually trying to be nice like making conversation to me…when all I want is to be ignore it’s a total turn off and eventually I find more reason to hate them.
I also had this problem of pretending…If I don’t like that particular person…I can’t, pretend that I like them…It’s impossible to fake a smile or make a conversation…I just don’t know how…TO PRETEND, so I avoided them at all cost. I’ll make sure I kept myself distance from them.
The reason that I avoided them…I don’t wanna let myself to actually hate them…I don’t wanna find out the reason why on earth that I hate the-person-that-I-don’t-know-why-I-hate, in the first place. I don’t wanna make enemy, I don’t wanna waste my hate on somebody that is not worth hating. And in return I hope that person just ignore me.
Maybe it is just a question of my intuition…protecting myself from getting hurt…heh..heh…I don’t know…Maybe my mind deceived me…Maybe that’s what has been written by god…Maybe I’m kinda mental retard whatever…

Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Sometimes...
Date: 2nd August 2004
Venue: In the office
Time: 2.30P.M-12.00A.M
Mood:
* I could get piss off easily
* I am best to be omitted at the moment
* I am not interested in concentrating on anything
* I am sleepy and exhausted
* I am restless
What I got in my head:
* I am meeting HIMSELF in 24 hours or less…and I’m looking forward for the Time to come…
* I wish I could go home and sleep and had some rest
What had I done
* Skipped my meeting scheduled at 9.30 am…I’m not in the mood to meet people
• Doing some work but I’m somewhat lost in between…I can’t focused…and I just can’t recall what I had done?
* Enjoying the book Confession Of Shoppaholic by Sophie Kinsella..it is more interesting than my job obviously
What suddenly pop up
* Nizar…one of the architect of my project came to my office at 3.30P.M…I thought I just had to pass the costing to him so he could pass it up to the client…HOWEVER, he insisted that I come with him to meet the client…duh?!!...So off I went…(It’s good that I had the chance to leave the office early)
* The meeting is ok…but I still had to do a comparison table…so basically it means I had to come to the office afterward and finished it because I’m not going to go to the office tomorrow…I’ll repeat…I’m meeting HIMSELF tomorrow...
HIMSELF
* Had been dominating my mind all day long…like a plague…a nasty one…because I just can’t get him outta my head…
* When I reached the office after the meeting…Linda was on the phone with him…Isn’t that wonderful? He had been trying to reach me…for the update of his arrival
* We talked for some time…I just can’t wait…I’m damned excited…so was he…
Time: 8.30P.M Had dinner with Romy
Venue: Home Sweet Home
9.30P.M Arrived at home…6 HOURS to go…
10.30P.M Watch tv…Cantonese movie starring Sammi Cheng title FIGHTING FOR LOVE…
12.30A.M Trying to get some sleep…
2.30A.M I can’t even sleep properly…lambatnya dia nak sampai…so I continued reading THE CONFESSION OF SHOPPAHOLIC…because sleeping is totally not possible…Still had 2 hours to go…
3.30A.M He call and told me he will be with me in an hour…I wonder how he looks…
4.00A.M Arrival of HIMSELF…sob…sob…sob
I just lost words…even how to greet him…we talked all the morning through, catching up…I didn’t bother the souvenirs that he bought…I just wanna have a good look of him…Words just can’t described it…How I felt…I was so thankful…that he is here with me…right now…in front of me…I just watched him as he talked like this is somewhat miracle…
8.00A.M Had breakfast with him
Venue:MV BUNGA RAYA II
8.30A.M Send him to work…his on duty…UNFORTUNATELY…
10.00A.M Doing a favor for his friend…send his friend to run his errands whatever it is at pekan Port Klang…He is a Filipinos…
12.00P.M Waited for HIMSELF to finished his duty…so I continued reading…my book…He got my pictures on the wall…my love letters…
2.30P.M I guess he had finished his duty…so he joined me and we talked some more…but I somehow don’t feel like eating though I had take away from Mc Donalds
4.00P.M We went to pekan Port Klang…HIMSELF gotta buy new phone…but that’s not only thing that he bought…accidently he bought a fishing rod and whatever it is…I don’t know…duh?
We were starting to feel sad and tense…emm…the ship is set to sail around 7.00P.M…HUK...HUK...HUK…Once again we had to depart from each other…(seedy la ni)…I don’t want to elaborate this part…It is the hardest and painful part of the good day…I hate this...
Time: 7.00P.M
Mood:
* I’m sad…
* I’m numb…I don’t feel hungry…I’ve started to miss him…I can’t believe he has gone again... For two months more…
* Now…I felt tired…because I can’t sleep last night and the ending if the day…was…so sad
* WAAAAA ;( :(
Arrived at home…took my bath…put everything in it’s place…went to sleep…I don’t want to think…because awhile ago everything is so wonderful and now suddenly…life has lost it colors again…I don’t want to talk to anyone…Just leave me alone…PLEASE...
LOOK WHAT I'VE FOUND