The telephone had been ringing the tone that I love to hear...the tone that I long waited for...It was like am I dreaming...I hope this better be real..not some stupid dreams again...I woke up and it was HIMSELF at the other end...great!!!
“Hai...Sayang...” he was so cheerful...and I was so thankful...I miss him a lot...and I didn’t expect him to call tonight...The ringtone means that he will be here with me soon. really soon...I can’t really show that I’m excited because Mama was there...By the way it’s Saturday the 5th June…night time…
We talked and laughed...a millions of I love you...but it never seems enough...Himself kept on complaining...that he hate whatever he is doing right now...but I never agree with him..I mean...to be frank...I hate it that he has to go...and leave me here...BUT It’s not quite right if I just go on and tell him to quit...that could be selfish...of us..
Well I don’t know it’s hard when you are born a Libra...because I’m always stuck in the middle...apart of me say don’t leave me and the other say let him go...ARGHH!! I hate this...then we say our goodbye...and it’s always a painful goodbye…
Now I feel like crying…myself out…
We mat a day after the phoned call...I just can’t wait...after two months of being away from each other...It’s living hell…How should I described it?...
What ever it is we were trying to make the moments last for as long that we could…There were sms and phone calls every other hour as…there are so many things to say…or maybe we were trying to fully utilize the time since we knew after this day…the same ringtone could only be heard two months later..and that will only be in August..God!!...because once again we had to be apart of each other…because my man gotta go to work…
Ironically, when we finally were...in the same space… we were just speechless or maybe the fact that the meeting will only last in few hours…made us numb..I don’t know…The bitter sweet…feeling…life is so harsh for us…nowdays…
And the situation get even worst…and tense towards the end of the meeting…I knew what we really had in our mind..DON’T GO…STAY HERE…but..we just can’t afford it...we just can’t bring ourself to say it out loud…not at the moment…at least…
Hell..I hate myself when I became so fragile...my collegue called me the girl witout any feeling..because I hardly show any...hah...hah...maybe it’s my face...I don’t know…
The day I stepped into the office…after 5 days of jolly good holidays…was a total chaos…I am definitely lost…all those mounting faxes and letters needed to be read and taken into proper action…then my client started to ring me…why is this and this…and I was damned lost and blurred and all I can said was something like this “I’ll check the document first and confirmed later” yeah...yeah…I knew it’s a lame excuse...but that all I could think of…duhhh??!!!
My head was spinning…I can’t think..I can’t concentrate…I don’t belong in the office still…ARRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Friday, June 18, 2004
